Its that time again.

All I want to do is crawl inside a hole.
A deep dark hole.
I'm sick of these sunlight headaches.
Everyone around me is living a different life.
Like Ariel I want to be a part of your world.
I don't watch a whole lot of tv but these days you're all fictional characters.
Your plots are set up for happy endings but mine was left unfinished.
I cry for you.
I laugh for you.
I'd die (live) for you.
I just feel like an outsider on the inside.
No one really notices because they don't have to.
I'm not sad just confused.

XO left me alone.

I keep the tv on at night feel less alone.
I get to class late to see them waiting for me.
I spend days in bed pretending I'm sick.
When really its just in my head.
In my head I have all these friends.
In my head I go out on the weekends.
In my head I do my homework.
In my head I believe in love.
Reality always catches up with me.
So I sit down and turn back on the tv.
I waste me. (you)

i blog about the same three people way too much.

i reach for you like the way i reach for a light switch. 

i know where you are, i know that when i turn that switch 

all will be revealed, no more games, the monsters we'll go away. 

but now you see i've got a lamp, those lamps that have the little knobs 

that are so hard to turn and not to mention it hurts my figures. 

the light isn't as bright and the fears are still let out. 

i don't want to turn the light on anymore. 

its too hard. 

your not worth it. 

i'm sure i can see on my own. 

i know i can. 

so why do i still feel like this? 

i know i'll wait all day for you.

i wish i wasn't always a sucker. 

i  may always speak sarcastically. 

but really i wear my heart on my sleeve. 

and your breaking it. 

i'm always waiting for people. 

i always believe in people. 

i believe people even when i 

know they're lying. 

and i hate myself. 

i hate you for making me this way. 

i just always wanted to believe in you. 

i wanted to believe you really wanted me. 

so i started believing  everyone. 

i have high hopes even though they always get crushed. 

even though in the back of my mind i'm always telling 

myself that it will never happen. 

i can't help the ignorance in me.  

i'm scared to call because i 

don't want to be "overzealous"  

yeah i know what that means. 

ever since that day i get scared 

to become too attached to anyone. 

i try not to be too nice to anyone 

because i don't want anyone to ever 

think that about me again. 

"would it kill you to care as much as i did?"

you make me feel alone.

your making me cry. 

it really does hurt when you say those things. 

i know i lie. 

i know i judge. 

i just need someone who knows its worth it with me. 

someone who believes there's more then that in me. 

i barely lie anymore. 

and its not my fault i judge. 

you don't know everything about like i think you think you do. 

dumbass.

hold my face to the sun.

dear you, 

you could never understand the troubles 

going on in my head. 

i am so alone is this.  

i'm glad

that we're only friends. 

because all this time thats all i've really wanted. 

boys like to cut shit open.

stupid stupid boy preying on something that isn't yours 

when you should be praying for something that could be yours.

but from the beginning yes i knew you were different. 

and you defiently proved it again today. 

you asked me if i was okay 

and apologized a few million times. 

thats my favorite song right there. 

i don't know if its a sign or just a misunderstanding. 

either you've been a great distraction 

and when this week is over i don't know 

how things are going to be anymore. 

but thanks for everything. 

even shooting stars fall.

i am a sinking ship. 

sinking. 

i was a racing my emotions. 

trying to beat the fear following me. 

and i was doing well until i got tired. 

i was trying to be a better actress and 

i was doing well until i got sick of lying. 

i don't feel well. 

broken dreams and crushed heart.

fall. 

 fall.

  fall. 

your so brave and confident until someone tears you down. 

we were a skyscraper,  we stood above them all. 

we had hopes higher then the clouds.  

then something happened.  

we were hit! 

we were taken down. 

  down 

 down

down

now we are on the ground, 

we can't even get back on our knees. 

for everytime we try to move. 

we just break down again. 

and again and again. 

all i'm looking for is someone to be supportive 

and for someone who cares. 

but no one cares 

and i don't know where the fuck you are. 

you fucking loser. 

i've got no one to talk to.  

oh yeah and you. 

i'm sorry. 

i was just trying to replace the other you. 

sorry for freaking out. 

sorry. 

ps i'm (not) okay. 

they call you dizzy because thats how you left me.

my head has been spinning since the day that you first 

said hi to me.  

you made me think outside of the lines. 

you made sing. 

i wasn't afraid to dance. 

i never really understood, 

"you had me at hello." until now. 

only i was naive, i missed it. 

where are you? 

where are you?

where are you?

you haven't been online in like month 

and i'm started to get worried. 

if you never speak to me again 

i'm not sure i'll ever be the same. 

call me melodramatic. 

orange balloons - tj petracca 

thats it,  

it practically describes everything.  

fuck come back soon. 

your a stupid stupid boy.

you are a tease. 

a stupid stupid tease. 

i hate you. 

and i hate how much you like my hair. 

or when you laugh at my jokes. 

i hate when you smile at me.  

i hate that you made me nervous and say stupid things. 

i hate that you hug me.  

i hate that we like the same music. 

i hate the way your eyes make be wonder. 

this is very 10 thing i hate about you ish. 

but things won't work out for me. 

because life isn't a movie. 

this is top secret.

if you've happened upon this 

you must not know me. 

and lets keep it that way. 

fiction is fearless  

but sadly this is not fiction 

i am non fiction 

though sometimes i like to dream of a fiction world

or say fiction things 

i am real. 

i am not fearless 

i am very afraid.