Its that time again.

All I want to do is crawl inside a hole.
A deep dark hole.
I'm sick of these sunlight headaches.
Everyone around me is living a different life.
Like Ariel I want to be a part of your world.
I don't watch a whole lot of tv but these days you're all fictional characters.
Your plots are set up for happy endings but mine was left unfinished.
I cry for you.
I laugh for you.
I'd die (live) for you.
I just feel like an outsider on the inside.
No one really notices because they don't have to.
I'm not sad just confused.

XO left me alone.

I keep the tv on at night feel less alone.
I get to class late to see them waiting for me.
I spend days in bed pretending I'm sick.
When really its just in my head.
In my head I have all these friends.
In my head I go out on the weekends.
In my head I do my homework.
In my head I believe in love.
Reality always catches up with me.
So I sit down and turn back on the tv.
I waste me. (you)

i blog about the same three people way too much.

i reach for you like the way i reach for a light switch. 

i know where you are, i know that when i turn that switch 

all will be revealed, no more games, the monsters we'll go away. 

but now you see i've got a lamp, those lamps that have the little knobs 

that are so hard to turn and not to mention it hurts my figures. 

the light isn't as bright and the fears are still let out. 

i don't want to turn the light on anymore. 

its too hard. 

your not worth it. 

i'm sure i can see on my own. 

i know i can. 

so why do i still feel like this? 

i know i'll wait all day for you.

i wish i wasn't always a sucker. 

i  may always speak sarcastically. 

but really i wear my heart on my sleeve. 

and your breaking it. 

i'm always waiting for people. 

i always believe in people. 

i believe people even when i 

know they're lying. 

and i hate myself. 

i hate you for making me this way. 

i just always wanted to believe in you. 

i wanted to believe you really wanted me. 

so i started believing  everyone. 

i have high hopes even though they always get crushed. 

even though in the back of my mind i'm always telling 

myself that it will never happen. 

i can't help the ignorance in me.  

i'm scared to call because i 

don't want to be "overzealous"  

yeah i know what that means. 

ever since that day i get scared 

to become too attached to anyone. 

i try not to be too nice to anyone 

because i don't want anyone to ever 

think that about me again. 

"would it kill you to care as much as i did?"

you make me feel alone.

your making me cry. 

it really does hurt when you say those things. 

i know i lie. 

i know i judge. 

i just need someone who knows its worth it with me. 

someone who believes there's more then that in me. 

i barely lie anymore. 

and its not my fault i judge. 

you don't know everything about like i think you think you do. 

dumbass.

hold my face to the sun.

dear you, 

you could never understand the troubles 

going on in my head. 

i am so alone is this.  

i'm glad

that we're only friends. 

because all this time thats all i've really wanted.